Had enough

[Alan.F]

Cant take any more of this crap my head has gone bang this morning i have hidden behind a brave face for a long time now thinking things dont bother me i need help i have been out of work for 2 years now and its got to the stage were i cant be arsed because i am scared of rejection from everyone because of my age. my blood pressure has gone through the roof, everyone says "its ok Alan can handle it he wont get depressed" but i think its here i feel so down and out and finished, dont worry i am not at the stage where i will do something stupid or anything like that i just feel so numb inside a bit of a loner. Marshalling is the only pleasure i get in life nowadays and its looking like i wont be able to do that this year.

[gsinclairzs]

Really sorry to hear this Alan. But, please don't worry, your not alone. It's a bit of a vicious circle, being off work you get very depressed and bored (well I do anyway) and this can effect your confidence when looking for work. I know it's easy for me to say try and focus on the good things, but that really is the way I deal with situations when I feel like that.

I would say the very fact you have posted this, means your now taking action. Think of this as the 1st step of the road to recovery. :console:

[Ritchy]

Sorry to hear this alan, best just take the time off go for a nice long drive, spend a few days away from everything, hope everthing sorts itself out mate

[marts66]

Mate, you are not alone. I had a nervous breakdown a while ago and thought my world was ending. I had hidden this from myself and others for what seemed an age and one day couldn't go on. I felt like a dam had burst, cried for a whole day and felt like ending it all. You need to see someone, i went to my GP and she was great, cried my way through a 30 minute consulatation but ultimately felt better. There's no shame in getting some treatment, if you had a broken leg you'd get it plastered, if you had a headache you'd take a pill. Mental health issues effect one in four people so you really are not alone. My GP refereed me to an employment specialist as well as a therapist, the employment service can help in many different ways, you'd be surprised and the therapist helped as you'll need someone to impartial to talk to. If you want to talk to someone PM me and we can get phone numbers and have a chat mate. But do something and remeber you are most definitely not alone.

[Alan.F]

Mate, you are not alone. I had a nervous breakdown a while ago and thought my world was ending. I had hidden this from myself and others for what seemed an age and one day couldn't go on. I felt like a dam had burst, cried for a whole day.


This is exactly how i was and how i am feeling today m8 something this morning just went bang. I feel so stupid i am a grown man ffs men arn't meant to do this

[marts66]

This is exactly how i was and how i am feeling today m8 something this morning just went bang. I feel so stupid i am a grown man ffs

Got nothing to feel stupid about Al, I was in the Nissan factory when I let go and had to walk out with 2,000 lads staring at me. As a teacher I carried a brave face into class every day but eventually couldn't pretend anymore. The tablets I take everyday help and you might need to get some chemical help from your GP. The therapy sessions worked well too, she gave me steps that started off small and built up, gradually my confidence increased, it's a slow process but as others say you have made the first steps by acknowledging there is something wrong. Get an appointment mate and have a chat with a professional, you'll feel loads better. By the way I'm 45 and at first felt weak and spineless and that's normal but try to realise that there is only so much we can take on without losing it. We are all different, we all get drunk of different amounts and we all have our limits.

[gsinclairzs]

This is exactly how i was and how i am feeling today m8 something this morning just went bang. I feel so stupid i am a grown man ffs men arn't meant to do this

Probably more of a case of men don't admit it. Nothing wrong with having a good old cry once in a while mate.

[marts66]

Listen, I'll PM you my home number if you want and you could call tomorrow afternoon as I'm off work, let me know fella, no pressure though as and when.

[Stevedx]

You are deffo not alone mate, I have been dealing with depression for near on 10 years now. The first few years I did nothing but deny it and kept trying to put on a brave face, and paper over any cracks, but eventually at some point the walls have to come down. I felt really bad when I finally went to see my GP, and he was really good, he said, and its be said here earlier, the first step to recovery is admitting you have an issue in the first place. He said I have known you have had it borderline for years, so do your family, its just taken this time for you to know it., but now you do we can do something about it.
I spent over a year signed off work, not going out the house, not wanting to see or talk to anyone, finding myself at 3am on the morning sitting on the beach, just watching the waves with no recollection of how i got there. That was about 5 years ago.
Then I went through various versions of chemical help, also had some counselling sessions, and as much as there is a stinma attached, i found them really helpful, because they help to train your mind into thinking in a different way, and getting out of the rut you are stuck in.
I have been back at work for about 5 years now, and dealing with it on a daily basis, some days are good some are bad, but talking always helps, and I was also offer a shoulder to cry on, or friendly ear to listen if you want it mate.

But deffo dont think your alone!

[p_b82]

Hang in there, i know it can't be easy but as you have made that first step it is at least a step in the right direction.

I dont have any experience of what you are going through first hand RE the employment, but i have seen depression being botled up ruin a marriage.... and it nearly made me loose my marbles a few years ago and become a recluse.... i would leave the flat 2 times a week and only ever speak to people via emails never on the phone or face to face!

Wish you all the best with it and hope you are able work your way out of it!

[mattie007]

I know it's easy for me to say this, but chin up mate. Your a legend on these forums :)
I've had family members in a similar position, and it is tough but you'll get through it.
I'm feeling a bit low myself after my hours being cut and a close friend of mine has just been jailed for 18 years. But you have to remain strong.
You'll get through it with the help of family and friends :)

[BUCKYDEVIL]

Think you have made a good start by at least opening up to how you are feeling as bottling things up to yourself like men do only compounds all the stress till the point where somethings going to snap, Im quilty of this and have in the past went into a violent rage over the simplest of matters,
Not done it for years as I now have a partner I can talk to about anything.
Hope you can feel some relief at least by knowing that WE are hear to listen and Support you through this dark time Alan.

[WXM Matty]

Head up, most people wouldn't even have the nerve to openly admit it. You know something not right and needs to change. As others have said help is out there things can only get better.

[jamesc777]

I know im only new here but id like to say your not alone Alan, as gsinclarzs said, i think there are quite alot of guys who wont admit how much it affects them. talking to someone can help, it did for me. I think anyone one here would give you all they time they can if you wanted to bend their ear for a while, i certainly would.
all the best mate

[Smokey]

I really feel for you Alan. As Mattie says, you are a legend here and that is something positive. Forums are a place where you get honest opinions as it is easy to say what you want behind the sheild of a monitor. So to become a popular person is probably harder than anywhere else so you should be proud of that.

I hope this is the start of a recovery for you mate and if you do feel you need to get away from things, feel free to come up north and stay with Kat and I for a while to clear your head. Might be of some help.

[Bobdope2002]

Chin Up Alan Mate ive been theyre took me nigh on a year to find something on a perm basis and i was about ready to go mad

have you considered Driving jobs or something similar......

[Maxfly]

It will come right in the end Alan, might be a **** of a slog and i am glad I have been lucky enough to have not been where you are now but your luck will turn:)

[peterzs]

Hi Alan, think you've got more balls than me for posting this up.

Sorry you are going through the pain, and hope that things start to improve.

I used to work for a landscaping company, and every year there was a panic when the grass started to grow in the Spring. Dont know if its worth having a word with any companies up that way. We lost our main contract to ISS Waterers, worked on army, navy and RAF bases. Pays not much but with overtime etc wasnt bad. Get some training on tree felling, pest control etc and quite a few of our guys went out on their own.

I'm past all the working problems now, but it must be difficult with all the cut backs that seem to be going on, just a matter of going for whatever is out there.

You know your not alone and we would do anything to help.

[sarah]

Mate, you are not alone. I had a nervous breakdown a while ago and thought my world was ending. I had hidden this from myself and others for what seemed an age and one day couldn't go on. I felt like a dam had burst, cried for a whole day and felt like ending it all. You need to see someone, i went to my GP and she was great, cried my way through a 30 minute consulatation but ultimately felt better. There's no shame in getting some treatment, if you had a broken leg you'd get it plastered, if you had a headache you'd take a pill. Mental health issues effect one in four people so you really are not alone. But do something and remeber you are most definitely not alone.

+1000000

Again not many people know me or what problems i had, but i too suffer depression/anxiety and often panick attacks.. last year i cried and cried nearly every day, i couldn't sleep, couldn't go out, nothing was worth my effort. then 1 day i'd had enough and went to my GP told him everything, like you i cried through the session saying how it was destorying my life.

They prescribed me 20mg of fluoxetines (prozac) and i've been taking them since May last year, im still on them but oh my god they have changed my life around so much, i can go out, nothing is a task any more, i am much calmer and manage to cope with the things i couldn't.. i didn't want to be on medication but i had too as i was scared of what i might do. I have a review every 3 months, got my next one on Tuesday.. i do still need to take them though because if i have missed one or 2 i feel so tired and down and dont want to do anything, but when im on them i am so happy.

Just goes to show really that there is help out there, i had counselling years ago and it didn't help me, but it might help you if you dont want medication. but dont mind me saying, it sounds like you need something to pick you back up again. :)

I really hope you can get better and carry on your life, and always remember you aren't alone. x x

[driley90]

Cant take any more of this crap my head has gone bang this morning i have hidden behind a brave face for a long time now thinking things dont bother me i need help i have been out of work for 2 years now and its got to the stage were i cant be arsed because i am scared of rejection from everyone because of my age. my blood pressure has gone through the roof, everyone says "its ok Alan can handle it he wont get depressed" but i think its here i feel so down and out and finished, dont worry i am not at the stage where i will do something stupid or anything like that i just feel so numb inside a bit of a loner. Marshalling is the only pleasure i get in life nowadays and its looking like i wont be able to do that this year.

O.K. now listen mate I was out of work for 18 months back in 2008/9 until I found an agency wanting cleaners for the ambulance service so I applied to be an ambulance deep cleaner and 5 months on I went for the interview and I got the job 'cos I had an answer to every question asked to me regarding the job and the irony of it is that I hate agencies and have had some quite bad times with them and was reluctant to go with another one but look at where it got me - full time with the N.H.S. and on a good salary with the prospects of a promotion and a pay increase every year so don't give up, go find them agencies who deal with the N.H.S. and see where it takes you!!!

[bolton1111]

hi alan im in bolton too, if you need a chat or to blow off a bit of steam give me a shout ill do my best to cheer ya up......:)

[greenyzs180]

no how yer feel m8,i became depressed after my bike accident as feared couldnt work again as non stop prob, i'm now on disability for rest of my life and feel bloody lazy but what can i do?most of my m8's say i have it easy, i mean i could high rate mobility and all my rent paid...**** that i used to be a hard worker and rather be out there earning the pennies,it gets me down alot and if it wasnt for my kids putting a smile on my face i don't think i would be here to enjoy life let alone the zs!, easy to say but keep yer chin up and you have guts to speak up,takes a man to speak up about his probs instead of hiding away.

[Alan.F]

Many thanks for all the replies and kind offers of help and things, I have just got back from a weekend away doing Marshalling in Angelsey, and it has helped a lot this weekend being with people like minded as me and had a ball, but we will see how successful it was when i am home alone again this week.

[sarah]

When your home alone Alan, try to focus on the positive things, i know it's hard to right now as your'e probably thinking nothing is positive etc... but you have to keep your mind fresh and active to take your mind off the bad things.

reflect on your good times, think up of some stuff you can do around the house as im sure there will be something that needs doing. When i was the way i was i used to be scared to stay at home alone but i focused on different things, i had a clear out of old clothes and any old junk, i just kept busy and within time it helped. It stopped me thinking about being low, and why me and what have i got in life etc...

Take a look around you hun, you have a lot in life to feel good about. and you never know what the future really could bring you. :) x

[stamford]

I admire your guts in posting this Alan, that is a huge step in itself. Can I also say to those already posted what a great bunch you are, some great words of wisdom have been posted so take heed Alan as some have said you are not alone as not all men can vent their feelings. I'm sure there are alot of folk on here who are feeling what you are, some have been there and some are probably thinking 'that's me'. Take each day as it comes and set yourself daily goals to move yourself forward. Might pay to take advice from those that have offered it, you have everything to gain.

[chrismyatt82]

I admire your guts in posting this Alan, that is a huge step in itself. Can I also say to those already posted what a great bunch you are, some great words of wisdom have been posted so take heed Alan as some have said you are not alone as not all men can vent their feelings. I'm sure there are alot of folk on here who are feeling what you are, some have been there and some are probably thinking 'that's me'. Take each day as it comes and set yourself daily goals to move yourself forward. Might pay to take advice from those that have offered it, you have everything to gain.

Is reasons like this that even though I am no longer a ZS owner and dont post much now that I still keep coming back here...

Great bunch of people and always ready to listen and help

And it goes to show that when you have a member post a thread like this and the overwhelming responses

Remember Alan 9something I have done for a long time after putting up with alot of cr@p) EVERYTHING happens for a reason... however, those reasons are not always understood until a later time

All the best mate :cowboy:

[Alan.F]

Well here an update:

Once again many many thanks to all that replied you were and are a great help to me i often return to this thread for a pick me up.

well its 3yrs since i made this post and things have improved i got a job in November 2011, i never sought medical help i was to embarrassed (silly i know)
I have never fully recovered from the depression i still have bad days and very bad days thats when i return to this thread, i have sort of learned to live with it so to speak so lets see what happens eh.

Once again many thanks

Alan

[tallgeese]

Its good to see your doing better ;)

Chin up and foot down, that's what keep me going ;)

[M17TT180]

I think everyone goes through something at some point in their life.

I've had my fair share, dealing with my father passing away after I was born, that screwed me up as a kid. Also suffered from neck pain for most of my life which was diagnosed as torticollis a few years back, that got me really down.

A friend once told me something that has stuck with me through the bad times and has always kept me going.

'Somewhere in the world there is always someone worse off than yourself'

A number of years ago I was on the princes trust course which was for helping people with little self confidence and low self esteem. There were 3 young lads staying at the hostel who had sought asylum after escaping war in Kosovo and they joined us with the activities. We got talking to them and they told us that two of them had their whole family's executed whilst they were hiding.

The point of me telling you this is because no matter how low you feel nothing can compare to what these guys went through and this is what I think about whenever I start to feel down.

[peterzs]

Glad to see things have improved Alan.

One thing dont be embarrassed seeking whatever help there is out there. The first steps are to recognise that there is a problem, second step is to seek help. Things have changed such a lot and the medical profession can now help in so many ways.

All the best for the future and you know we are all here if required to chat things over.

[talkingcars]

I feel for you Alan - It might be worth finding some one independent just to listen, I told it works wonders.

[Smokey]

I can tell from your Facebook posts that things are much better than 3 years ago mate. Going through a stressful down time myself at the moment so know some days seem against you. Thankfully, there is family and good days that get you through and familiarity like this site. There are plenty of people around with supportive advice or just there for a chat so things should never get too bad.

Glad your post is more positive mate.

[stamford]

Good news and as you rightly say it isn't easy to open up and ask for help. There is help out there and never be embarassed to ask for it as you are not alone. Todays society is peppered with all sorts of personal problems and most of us suffer in some way and deal with it differently. Some are strong and hide it well, some not so. This is where you need good friends and a strong family, it also helps to talk openly, that in itself is a big step forward. You'll be fine as along as you acknowledge it.

Group hug! :group:

[p_b82]

Great to hear that you are doing better and are generally a lot happier.

I would advise though that you dont just 'live with it' but do not try to get to the root of the problem that causes the dark days. They will keep coming back until you are able to manage to confront them.

I managed it myself without talking to others*, but am now happy to admit and talk to people about what I went through if asked. Depression effects us and those around us differently, and is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about any longer - society is finally accepting mental heath issues affect a very high % of people and we are not all "nuts" as a result :)

*Stupidly or stubbornly I decided that as I got myself into the mess I was in I would get myself out. But until I realised I had a problem I was making some seriously bad calls, and I lost some good friends as a result of my behaviour which I probably would not have done had I seeked help sooner